To this day, I still dwell on the people I thought to be my friends and some could even be my brothers. However, life is not all rainbows and butterflies as my Dad always says. In fact, from my painful experience, it only made me stronger and a little knowledgable despite my ADD. I know, talk about being a complicated loco fellow hahahaha. Anyways, corniness aside, I am still hurt and I still do feel a little lonely asking my friends for a night out hopelessly and then ending up with excuses either no answer, busy, or just plain lazy. Yet, I sometimes wonder if it’s because of me that cause them to come up with such excuses and that made me analyze every conversation frantically like a wife stalking her cheating husband.
So, obviously I have trusting issues due to betrayal after betrayal to the degree I have also got sick and tired of myself. Look, don’t get me wrong. I admit sometimes I can be overwhelmingly desperate with long text messages accusing the person of not hanging out enough making me doubt myself even more. Of course, that caused a little depression and suicide thoughts blah blah blah and so to sum this all up I have written a poem to describe a lonely friend.
Lonely as I am
I hit the wall BAM BAM BAM!!
People say I’m desperate
I might go insane
“You’re not worth it!”
Just screams in my brain.
Am I not kind?
Am I not worthy?
Or am I just blind to be your dummy?
Have you no shame?
Have you no guilt?
You and I are not the same
For that is not how I am built.
I am loyal
I am decent
Why do things that make me boil?
Why you treat me like a cheap cent?
Being a magnet is a weakness
Of that I am ashamed.
Lack of friends made me speechless
Due to enemies I dare not be named.
Lies and excuses are all I hear
But when you need me, I’ll give you my ear.
Yes, I am a guy
I should not care.
And yet I do so cry
When you’re not aware.
Would like us to be close friends
If my life could end
Cuz if you were in trouble
And don’t know who to call
I’ll be there on the double
As you strive to crawl.
So there you have it. Now, I ask you my loco fellows…have you ever gone through experiences like these? Because I would love it if you could share some advice for me to control my patience with these so-called “friends” and I sure would like to hope I could find my real friends some day.